"My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living." Anais Nin
In a moment of weakness filled with shots of absinthe and martini glasses she remembers him. Like nothing bad would had happen, feeling the kiss of his dry and fresh lips, trimmed beard, same sensation as of those years. As if no time has passed and she can find herself in his protective arms, giving her the security that she needed.
She wants him again. She wants time to stop when he kissed her for the first time. She wants soften knees, the earth floating. She cannot remember the first kiss but she knows that it made her forget about everything. The loss of the lips touching, merging and magically soft, burned by the sun, sending her to the sky. It did not matter that everyone knew and that every person around was watching them, judging as if they have done something wrong. They loved each other. The attraction between them was too big. They no longer needed anything. It felt good.
His firm hand was holding her waist, and they easily claimed as if their steps could move without order; they arrived on the sand, still burned by the summer heat.
These two and the sea. Quiet, yet only noise. Legs no longer had strength and collapsed powerless. The clothes were falling behind hands. Everything was by being, pure love in the dark, and nothingness stretching round about them. By the moment the time had frozen in hourglass they’ve touched the infinity. A moment of euphoria cannot be described in words. There was no breathing but they were still alive. He slightly took her until there was nothing left than pleasure; no pain or suffering left. Waves were crashing into their bodies, but what was the point in it, because they were already wet of feelings. Drowning in sweet sweat of love, of two bodies making it seem a whole that could not be destroyed.
But they were wrong. What seemed to be perfection without margins, in a heartbeat of carelessness, of a driver in the metal jungle did broke the “one”.
The human body knows how to recover from losses. He adapts to not need the things that he cannot have. But sometimes, the loss is too much to handle and offset. We are so confident, at the beginning that the world seems to be seated on our feet in order to be earned. Not to be lost. It is said that denying a loss is a madness form. Probably it’s true but sometimes, it is the only way of staying alive. But even now, when the time had passed, Anna couldn’t allow to believe that the accident had happen again to her. There were moments in which she could still see him, walking hand in hand with her, whispering…. “Good night”.
She died in the same moment as him. At least a part of her. It’s not easy to die. The human body has been created to stay alive. We have thicker skulls, strong hearts and sharp skills. But then again, when the body starts to surrender, only medicine can handle it. Sometimes it’s better to live thus dying, until the next page. But letting someone to die it’s the best thing that you can do.
And dying to her seem to be a failure. Even if she knew that it wasn’t true. She knew that the time has come.. She did everything in her power but it was hard, still was hard to escape the thought that… maybe she could do more.