"My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living." Anais Nin
There are times when we encourage ourselves to lie. But not to the others. To us. Because sometimes lying is better than admitting that we have been wrong or we are more into something that we let to be seen by the others. Damn cause time passes and you found yourself stuck in a point with no exit and you try to figure it out, to find the answer for all your questions but most of all of one. How did you. You did it- did you? And know you have to accept it and to endure, to embrace your status of mistake in order to rise. Is that simple as it seems? No is not. Is bloody hard. To maintain you floating above the water, above all around you that wants to swallow you. Judging, yelling, protesting of all and everything that you may become, may bring with you; even may touch. Is like everything has changed and you are just damaged to them.
And there comes the lying. Is not just about you, it’s about your mask that you have to wear every day, that maybe sometimes stays so stick on you that you don’t even see the difference between the real you and the fake. And if sometimes at the beginning you feel the pressure of it, after a while, it becomes you. Becomes the real you cause you believe yourself also and you manage after all to believe that that’s the real you. Cause you are. Once you wear that mask. You’ll never come back.
I know what has damaged you. I know that thing has killed you inside. And since then, there was nothing to bring you back to the initial you. And that you think that you’ll never be the same person, weak, thoughtful, warm and devoted. No! Of course you deny all of that weakness. You? You were never like that. It’s just like that game of “I’ve never…”, but just that for this one, you have to drink all the bottle. And sometimes you may have something stuck in your eye but you won’t believe and admit that either. It will be just an impression. Cause you’re not that kind of person.
But let me tell you something. You miss that person, you love that person. You’ve loved her back in those days, you love her now; and definitely you’ll love her tomorrow and in the days that are to come. Because if it was not for her, you weren’t the person you are today. Just be mind open and face it. Accept it. Admit it.
It’s the only thing that can liberate you from yourself, the walls of the prison that you built, the barriers that you have raised for you. It’s the only thing you’re not sure what you can only ensure that really
values something. Who you are, they may ask. You are someone they know very well. You are every man and every woman they meet. You’re simple. But simple is a complicated word. So imagine more things.