"My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living." Anais Nin

a draft

Today, you’ve changed. Even if you do not believe that people changes, somehow you’ve managed to do that.  Cause everything has started a few years ago, when you’ve had no idea what was coming or, what was supposed to happen to you. In the darken of the night, the lights have been turned on and you’ve seen the light of the beginning. Something felt right and secure as nothing before. Something felt like the reason of a new adventure, of a new beginning. And it has been because there are memories that you’ll not forget as long as you’ll live. But is it a prototype or a bad luck or just the feeling that some things are not supposed to happen. Not like that. Or maybe there are people who you’re meant to meet once, to change you, to help you figure it out and then to leave you in order to feel and to discover your needs. To discover the real you, the one you’ve been hiding for too long inside and not letting out of fear. Of being discovered, as humble and soft, and human as you really are; but the appearances won’t reveal it.

Being there, feeling that, the madness, the drunken state of mind, of soul, of feelings.

Take in consideration that the human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. Family, love. friends. But really we just need one thing to be truly alive. We need a heartbeat. And when our heart is threatened, answer in two ways: either run away or attack. And you know..?!?! there is a scientific term for this. Fight or flight. It’s instinct. We cannot control it. Or can we …?!

Oh and how I hate you and now I realize how and what I have lost because of you. You know the last time and I thought it was going to get better and that investing in bricks of memories moments will help building another ones. But the lie has short legs and I really realized that it was too late that I was lying to myself. That my desire was too big to succeed. Because humans being change depending on the life and environment, according to principles, faith and although is not to be recognized the beginning, slowly, slowly it will begin to come out and really show you what he thinks.

Eh, and someone told me that the truth comes very much alive while drinking, enjoying a bottle of bourbon or whatever you prefer. My misfortune is that I was lucky  to see this without a drop of alcohol to warm me, preparing me, strengthen me to blow.

Because it was so easy .. it began, smoothly, with little fuzz The conflict and misunderstanding was transformed into a huge monster who honestly do not think you realize how big is it and how to control it.

For us, the human beings, people are uncontrollable, We cannot lie forever. We cannot hide forever. And when happiness ends abruptly with boulders and earth collapsed. With cold shower and rude awakening. Yes…. The harsh awakening when you realize that what you had is no longer there for you.



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This entry was posted on October 31, 2016 by in Life,friends , family.


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